"Easier Said Than Done" (Number One)

"Worrying About Someone New"

A friend of mine suggested that I do this after hearing about a current dilemma. I have been seeing this... Man/Boy since July 16th. As of late our "randez-vous" have been slim to none. He has cracked the mask I've worn for two long years. I wasn't even aware until I met him.

I am left vulnerable and trusting, but I feel that I am being let down once again.

I do not feel missed. I no longer feel special. I wonder often how much I matter or ever did.

I am working now. I have a job finally and so does he. I am a waitress and he washes dishes. We do not work at the same place. Not even in the same city. He works very late. He has to wake up very early. I don't know when he's free ever. I have gone yet another week without seeing him. It is all I can think of and it is breaking me apart. I have felt this so many times and I stayed away for so many years only to be revisited.

So she says it's time to move on. To worry about someone else. How can you do that with someone you've grown so fond of? It never gets easier. All I have is hope, love... It's never going to be simple to give up on someone you care about. Not in the slightest. Based on experience I should walk away now. However, I've never been one to listen to that. Walking away seems to hurt just as bad. Instead of worrying about someone else and pretending that he no longer exists I have opted to bite the bullet. I will see him at least one more time before this is all said and done. I will confront my fears. I will see if I am correct or if I am simply being psyched out by the face I now see. This mask-less face that I thought I could hide from. I'm not sure what it is anymore. But perhaps it is getting the best of me.