Updates: Because it's good to know how things are going.

First of all a random thought:

Pinocchio should learn how to lie without lying.

Secondly:

I did not have sex with Shane. He tried. But I said no. I'm very proud of that.

Last of all:

I'm watching "True Life: I'm Addicted to Video Games" and I am SO thankful that I can still get all A's and B's and have a meaningful relationship and not get so stuck in games that it ruins that. I have self control. I have a choice. These people can't help themselves, and it's a BIG struggle for them to stop gaming. I can stop myself, sometimes I do make the irresponsible choice to put off school and such for games and other things, but I can stop myself. In order to not slip into a mode where I can't stop, I should start making the responsible decision more often. So here's one more thing to work on for me. I'll make it happen.

Happy (21st) Birthday To ME

21 years ago today I was popping out at this exact moment at 1:56am.

Another year to change my life around.

Live strong everyone.

My Date of Birth - Talent in Progress #3: Growing Up

Tomorrow (May 17th) is my birthday. In fact, it is my 21st birthday. I wanted to reflect on my life for a moment in order to prepare for years ahead before I go out and celebrate.

I've lived a good 21 years so far with a lot of ups and an abundance of downs.

I've made many poor choices, and most of the good ones go unnoticed.

I've done a lot of things that I possibly shouldn't have.

I haven't done a lot that I should.

It's alright though. and do you know why that is? Because I'm still growing up. I'm still learning. People make mistakes. As a 21 year old I plan to change my ways in hopes that it will help me keep away from poor situations, and bad decisions, as well as gear me up for something good.

One thing I know about myself is that it's easier to stop doing the things that I shouldn't be doing than it is for me to do the things that I should but don't do...

This will be a long process, however, I know I can do it. It's just something I will have to tackle step by step. So here are the rules:

• No intercourse unless I'm in a long-term relationship.
• Drinking will never get out of hand.
• I will never do crazy street drugs (Weed is not a drug in my opinion), nor will I do tobacco products. But I've never even tried any of that stuff anyway I'm just saying I'll continue not to (again weed doesn't count).
• I will do my best to be more open and honest with my family, however I WILL NOT be telling anyone other than my mom (when she asks) about my sex life. You know, unless it's one of those "We're gonna have a baby" big happy family moments.
• I will be making my own decisions. Period.
• The final step in this is that I will get my self together. Being on top of the things that I have to do and doing them even if it's something I don't want to or don't feel like doing, as well as... probably starting therapy...

The rules specifically for tomorrow are as follows:

• Only drink a little. I'm going to just try a few drinks. Tasting wise, you know, like a sip her and there. And at the club I am getting a "Blue MFer" and that's it.
• I will be getting my massage from "CMU" assuming he shows up and we will have a bit of adult fun if you know what I mean (most likely anyway), but we ARE NOT having Vaginal Sex. (And I don't do anal so don't even start that one. Never have never will.)
• Last, but not least. Above all else. HAVE FUN

This year should be great. Because that's how I plan to make it.

Reflections Revisited

I haven't been living up to what I once said would be my new policy for men. I'm not very good at not trying, but I'm working on it. I have delete over 200 numbers on my phone, and deleted facebook friends on a facebook I hardly check. I've begun to check it semi regularly just as if it were email, and speaking of email I'm trying to be better at checking that too.

What I am doing now is cutting loose ends. The sad part in this is that pretty much all of my ends were loose and I have almost nothing left. I hardly leave the house... I have no one to talk to... No one calls me... Or texts... No emails...

The last few loose ends that have yet go be snipped will be soon enough. I am still working on it right now. I need my things back first. This whole thing is a long process of cleansing. I must get away from all the negative aspects of my life. I let them in and now I'm shutting them out.

I miss my REAL best friend. Bean. He's in Japan doing Study Abroad. His birthday is May 10th and since mine is a week after on May 17th we always celebrate together. This year it won't be happening...

Things are hard right now, but I'm working through it all. In the end I shall come out as the phoenix once again rising from the flame of my burning ashes.

Truth Hall

Great movie. Makes you think...

Everything appears to be reminding me of my life right now....

Dear God, It's Me...

What happened to the days when I was content with where I was. I was happy right? Was I happy? I'm not even sure if that was happiness or if it was simply blissful ignorance of how the world works that makes my childhood seem like something so much more than where I am now...

High School... I made it out of elementary and middle with a new determination to never settle for peoples shit. I did quite well for two years weeding through people and finding many fresh rays of sunshine, but they were older, and they graduated... and Junior year I fell back into my vicious cycle, though I didn't know it until last year...

I'm about to be Twenty-One years OLD. Most of the people I meet now are already set, and they have the life and friends that they're ready to at the least attempt to keep. So I may have a rough time. This isn't Grade School anymore, and it damn sure isn't High School, but I'm starting over. Again.