But I could never truly want it...
It always seems like it would be so much easier than living...
This doesn't make it easier...
I'm afraid to die. I'm afraid of what will happen. Afraid to find out. Afraid it will be nothing...
I'm afraid of nothing...ness...
I am simply afraid
Afraid of...
- Being alone
- Dying
- Dying alone
- Not existing
- Not feeling
- Not seeing
- Being unaware
So I spend my time finding anything to do to not feel alone or be alone. I can't stand the dark though I love the night. If I cannot see I panic and I don't like feeling out of the loop. I want to know everything. I want to be aware of everything around me. See everything feel it all and know what is going on. Remedy? Maybe... I feel it is a placebo.
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