- Find out how good of a son he is. The way he treats his mother says a lot about the quality of his heart. There is a correlation between how men treat their mothers and how they treat their wives. It is said that if he is a good son, then he will be a good husband. The love one feels towards a mother is deep and if the guy does not treat her well, how would he treat you (even if he loves you)?
- Observe how he treats the elderly. You will one day grow old. Hopefully, you will grow old together. But the way he treats the elderly speaks volumes about his kindness and respect. The same is true regarding the way he treats his mother. The treatment he gives to the elderly can speak of delicacy and maturity, which brings me to the other point.
The eyes of the elderly can see beyond what our young eyes can. It is wise to listen to what the elderly in his family say about his character and his growth. - Observe how he handles crisis. This is very important because in your relationship or marriage, you will face difficult times together. It is important to know if he is able to make good decisions regardless of his suffering, if he can control himself and not succumb to the pain or despair, if he can be creative and adaptive, if he can maintain a good sense of humor, if he becomes easily depressed, if he develops negative habits or tendencies that can become a burden in your relationship. All of this speaks about the strength of his character. Is he able to stand when everything is crashing down?
- Find out how he chooses to spend his money. I am not saying that he should be cheap, but he does not need to go for the most expensive things, either. This is important because if you marry or live together, you will share in finances and you definitely want to know that the family's (you, him, and the kids) money will be safe under his management. If you both manage the finances, then you definitely want to be compatible in your views and avoid many unnecessary fights. Can you work together as a team safeguarding the money of the house?
- Observe how he communicates. Can you talk to him about things he is not necessarily interested in? Or does he ignore you or pretend to listen to you? This may speak of selfishness. If he is not interested in a topic, he could gently stir the conversation away from that topic or at least notice if this matters to you. If it matters to you, he could do an effort to listen to you and bear with it. If you say something he does not like, does he tune you out and rapidly defends himself? Or does he listen to your share of feelings and thoughts and considers them?
Is he a good listener? Does he interrupt you while you are speaking or does he let you complete your thoughts? Does he watch his body language while talking to you or does he make facial expressions or gestures that hurt you? How does he react to explosions of feelings in a conversation? How does he handle himself? How does he handle an emotional conversation? There are many factors to be alert to in this topic. If you marry or decide to live together, how you communicate with each other will become some sort of acid or glue. Would you rather live with an enemy or your best friend? Would you like your lover to be your best friend as well? - Does he respect your boundaries? Or does he push? This may speak of selfishness and indifference toward your values and reasoning behind your boundaries. This also speaks of how he respect you as a woman.
- How does he act with his friends? Is he a completely different person? Does he treat you completely different when you are around his friends? Careful. He may be hiding something or his true personality.
- Does he have the maturity to keep secrets? Does he talk about his relationship issues with everybody? Does he reveal inappropriate things about your relationship or intimacy to others? This may transcend later on in the relationship. There is such a thing as emotional or mental infidelity, and some of this occurs when the man or woman talks to somebody else about the issues in the relationship and takes refuge in the company of that person. It is okay to have friends, but there are some things that are meant to stay in the house and be fixed between the couple. This is a sticky area and one you must decide the degree to which you feel comfortable in his discretion, or lack thereof.
There are many other things that you could do to protect your heart from a lot of heartache. Only you know what hurts you and makes you feel uncomfortable and only you know which ones will work and how to best to protect your heart.
What other techniques do you have that help you discover if a guy is really Mr. Right?
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