She's not that pretty....

She's not..
She's not that pretty...
When did you first look in the mirror and all you could see were your flaws?
I fucking hate growing up. You learn to care about unimportant bullshit. People judge you on that bullshit. This is the part where you really died. When you fucking grew up. We fucking opened our eyes and by then though we realized it was better living blindly... it was far too late to close them shut.

What do you do to hide?
Where do you go? What do you say?
I like to look at the people... those people that I feel are getting what I want... Those that I consider to be thieves... taking that which I feel belongs to me and making it their own.... I look at them... I look at everything that I think makes them somehow better than me.... I try to figure out what it is they have that I don't... I try to understand and I just fucking can't. They're not better than me. YOU are NOT fucking better than ME!

So then why?
What the hell makes them so damn special?
Nothing... I see nothing.... Which only angers me more. So instead I point out any flaw of theirs I can find. I think it to myself often feeling rather pathetic. Why am I insecure? I have to end this ridiculous feeling. So maybe in order to revert... I should gouge my eyes out and be blind once more.